Phantom Limb

New place, new course, new life, new phase

It took one conversation to cut to the chase

Time’s passed, life’s fast, we’ve changed

But something between us is the same

Look right through me, past the pretence

Strip down, layer by layer, all my defence

Under that new fuzzy beard, a knowing smile

The recognition gives me goosebumps, its been a while

Life’s like liquid, we’ve gone with the flow

Then I look past my shoulder and feel a glow

I push the rewind button and then hit pause

I’d choose us, anyday, with all our flaws

You open the floodgates to memories I’d locked

I hate feeling so confused, I’m shocked

One moment I’m a doctor, the next a schoolgirl

Lifted in your arms, laughing as we twirl

Its a fantasy, conjured up inside my head

Disappear, like a dream on waking up from bed

Phantom limb, in medical terms, is the name

It was real, but now all that exists, is the pain

That’s what reflecting on the past brings

You’re not going to pull at my heart’s strings

My love, my happiness, are under my control

I’m the master of my fate, I’m the captain of my soul

a cascade of emotions

Sometimes life rises like a wave, unexpected. It sweeps you off your feet. Catches you unaware. Off-guard. Takes you by surprise or as the case may be- Shock. And before you know it, you are at the mercy of the sea. The waves engulf you, swallow you whole.

But they show no mercy. You’ll have enough oxygen in your lungs to breathe, enough for survival. But you’ll also have enough water to choke you, making you gasp for every molecule of fresh air. Making every living moment a struggle. A fight.

Survival of the fittest, they say. But in times like these you are faced with a dilemma. You wonder whether the struggle is worth it. What sense does it make to hold on? The only sensation you are exposed to is hurt. A lot of it. You don’t know the source of the pain. And that is the worst part.You don’t know if its physical or emotional, external or originating within. All you know is that it consumes you. Chews you up and spits you out. You just want it all to stop. Everything.

There are times I wish I could just freeze time. Make everything still. Numb everything out. I never thought I would welcome the feeling of nothingness. Not me. I’m the spontaneous, happy-go-lucky, fun-loving sorts. But right now I want to block everything. Everyone. Specially HIM. Maybe pausing everything and putting it on hold will somehow stop my world from spinning out of control. I feel like I’m trapped in the middle, rooted to one spot while everything around me is collapsing like a pack of cards. I open my mouth to scream. but no voice comes out. I just stand there, feeling helpless and alone.